bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
