butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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