ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
