I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
