I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
