Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
