Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
