I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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