Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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