Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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