I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
