i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
