my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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