i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
