Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
