i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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