I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
