sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
