I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
