What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
two words...techno handjob
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
