I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
