Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
