she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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