that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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