dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
