if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
