dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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