he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
