You're so nebulous sometimes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
