Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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