? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
