Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
