Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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