Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
