You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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