there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
