i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
