he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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