what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
