Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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