You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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