My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
