I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
