I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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