I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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