Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
