theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish there were birth control emojis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
