I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
