You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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