If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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