I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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