it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
