My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
