what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
